A dark night of the soul. Physicians often use these words to describe their pain in relation to a patient’s adverse outcome. For others, those words capture the difficult path of a medical malpractice lawsuit. Some of us -- and I am one -- survive those two events together. When a physician or other healer faces a difficult patient outcome followed by a medical malpractice lawsuit, they may find themselves plunged into a very dark night indeed.
The Human Condition
A Spanish mystic, San Juan de la Cruz, first used the phrase “dark night of the soul” in the 1500’s to refer to his own spiritual crisis. Poets and song-writers have borrowed these words so frequently over the centuries that we all know that image now, don’t we? It resonates precisely because it so poignantly describes an element common to the human condition.
We all understand that night can feel lonely. It can feel frightening. Thoughts can meander to less pleasant places, and hope can feel lost.
As I live this year’s Winter Solstice -- the shortest day and longest night of the year -- I find myself wondering about these dark nights of the soul -- our own inner winter solstices. What might they mean for us? And how do we come through them?
A Turning Point
The Winter Solstice isn’t forever. This longest night is invariably a turning point. In the midst of its very darkness, it harbors a promise that the light will begin to lengthen once again. The steady gain in daylight which follows Winter Solstice is miniscule at first, just seconds per day. The rate of gain accelerates until mid-spring, when the rate slows again as things begin to approach the new equilibrium point of Summer Solstice. What is more, the further one is from the equator, the longer the longest night. And, here’s a beautiful thought: the longer the longest night, the greater and more rapidly accelerating is the daily gain in light once on the other side.
The Winter Solstice has numerous lessons for us as we move through healing after adverse patient outcomes or survive medical malpractice litigation. These lessons will serve us equally as we recover from the COVID-19 pandemic. Today, let’s look at FIVE of them.
5 Lessons of the Winter’s Solstice for Doctors & Nurses
Darkness won’t last forever
The first lesson the Winter Solstice offers those of us in the midst of our own dark night is that it is possible for the light to return. At first, light may return quite slowly, but that increase often accelerates as the process of healing moves forward. In the midst of this longest period of darkness, Nature teaches us to have faith that light can -- even will -- return.
Life Operates on a Larger Scale Than We Can See
Hidden in the Winter Solstice is a reminder that there are huge forces beyond our control at work in the universe. Sometimes, those forces threaten us. And yet, our most elemental sustenance depends on them. This longest night invites us to accept how small we truly are. We can release a false sense of having more control than we really do. We can embrace the capacity of the universe to provide us with everything we need beginning with the very air we breathe.
The Solstice Occurs Only in Relationship
To fully receive the message of the Winter Solstice, we must remember that its occurrence is a result of the continuous movement of heavenly bodies is relationship to one another. Were the earth and sun to fall out of relation to one another, the cyclical reappearance of light and dark as we know it would end.
So it goes for those of us who face grief after one or many patient deaths or suffer in a medical malpractice lawsuit.
Let me explain. Medicine is a social phenomenon. Our dark nights of the soul often begin when something bad happens in the context of a relationship. And like the earth, our light generally reemerges in relationship to someone else. Whether or not the particular physician-patient relationship involved can be restored, we will find our healing in relationship with others. Just as an earth with no sun would remain dark forever, we do not experience the return of light we need in isolation.
The Dark Precedes Growth
What’s more, this darkest time of the year presages new growth. In the coldest climes, many plants die back completely. One might think they were gone for good, until one warm spring day proved otherwise. Many, in fact, return more beautiful and vigorous.
So it can be with us. We, too, can experience the miracle of growth after the deepest, darkest winters. When this happens to us, we call it post-traumatic growth.
We Can Find Light in Darkness
Did you know that there is evidence that humans have used fire for at least two million years? That is a long time! As humans, we utterly depend upon our capacity to create light and warmth. We can do the same mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Where there is darkness, humans can find light. In fact, we have a gift for it! It’s wired into our DNA. Let’s let long winter nights remind us of that power. Even the deepest darkness is no longer truly darkness where there is even a little light.
In the midst of our very darkest nights -- even our hard experiences in relation to patient’s losses or malpractice litigation -- can we find even a flicker of light? Might we ask, “what is possible here?” Is there any good, however small, that could come of this?
Can we make our dark night a turning point bringing us back round to growth and joy?The Winter’s Solstice says we can.
Are you in need of support as you grow after an adverse patient outcome or move through malpractice litigation? As a certified professional physician-coach, I work exclusively with clients like you. Reach out HERE if you’d like to talk about whether this coaching might be a fit for you.